Tuesday, March 26, 2013

"...ye must pray always, and not faint..."

Rough day today

             I had a particularly rough day today, I ran into someone from my past, and had to explain why I am not seeking a gay lifestyle...that deserves an entry of it's own and I have so many commitments that it is hard for me to find time to do things like breath, homework, and study for this exam that I have on Wednesday.  I honestly don't know when I am going to study for the test.  I'm kind of freaking out about it.  On top of this, I found out that someone very close to me is struggling more than I realized, it became too much for me to handle.  Even though my roommate might not be very missionary minded, he still holds the priesthood so I knocked on his door and asked for a blessing.  I have always had a strong testimony of the priesthood.  I know that it doesn't matter who gives the blessing, as long as they hold the priesthood, are worthy, administer correctly, and I have enough faith, the blessing will be effective 100% of the time.

             In the blessing I was reminded that God was aware of everything going on in my life, and that as I drew nearer to him, I would feel his support.  When I thanked my roommate and went to my room, I grabbed my study journal and began to read in it.

Study Journals: personal scripture
        I consider my study journal to be personal scripture.  The insights and the knowledge found within came from the Spirit and therefore are revelations to me.  Using this knowledge, I often turn to my study journal as well as the scriptures.  I was reading in it and I came across an entry I had on 2 Nephi 32:9 and read "...ye must pray always, and not faint..."

Pray Always, and not Faint

        This is a precious gem that I have found myself revisiting again and again.  I find myself reflecting on the quality of my prayers every time I read this entry.  I know there have been times when my prayers have become wrote, "Thank you for the food and please bless it that it will nourish and strengthen our bodies, we say these things...." and I find that there is very little variation and no thought going into the prayer.  In these cases, when I am saying my prayers, my mind has fainted.  Sometimes I forget if I have said a prayer at all.  There are other times in the morning or evening, when I am saying my prayers, there have been times that I have fainted as well and fallen asleep during the prayer.  I tell myself in the journal that I must make sure that I am not getting into that habit of the lazy thirty second prayer, but that I need to patiently wait, ponder, listen, and focus, and look through the day for the hand of God in my life especially the times He has come to my aid.  In like manner I must not faint during the day, but offer a silent prayer of gratitude when I receive divine aid.

Vultures on the Highway through Life

         At times I have felt run down and ready to drop as I walked down the highway through life.  There are desert regions when things seem dismal and discouraging.   In the desert the vultures eat the carcass of animals that have died, but they won't touch the meat, until it has stopped moving.  The vultures have hovered above my head on this metaphorical highway, but they won't strike until I faint.  Therefore I must pray always, for the strength that I won't faint, that I can remain strong throughout these desert times without the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I look forward to that day when I can be baptized and receive that gift of all gifts. What a fantastic day that will be.

Until next time,

The Rainbow-plated Armadillo

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