"...ye must pray always, and not faint..."

Rough day today

             I had a particularly rough day today, I ran into someone from my past, and had to explain why I am not seeking a gay lifestyle...that deserves an entry of it's own and I have so many commitments that it is hard for me to find time to do things like breath, homework, and study for this exam that I have on Wednesday.  I honestly don't know when I am going to study for the test.  I'm kind of freaking out about it.  On top of this, I found out that someone very close to me is struggling more than I realized, it became too much for me to handle.  Even though my roommate might not be very missionary minded, he still holds the priesthood so I knocked on his door and asked for a blessing.  I have always had a strong testimony of the priesthood.  I know that it doesn't matter who gives the blessing, as long as they hold the priesthood, are worthy, administer correctly, and I have enough faith, the blessing will be effective 100% of the time.

             In the blessing I was reminded that God was aware of everything going on in my life, and that as I drew nearer to him, I would feel his support.  When I thanked my roommate and went to my room, I grabbed my study journal and began to read in it.

Study Journals: personal scripture
   
        I consider my study journal to be personal scripture.  The insights and the knowledge found within came from the Spirit and therefore are revelations to me.  Using this knowledge, I often turn to my study journal as well as the scriptures.  I was reading in it and I came across an entry I had on 2 Nephi 32:9 and read "...ye must pray always, and not faint..."

Pray Always, and not Faint

        This is a precious gem that I have found myself revisiting again and again.  I find myself reflecting on the quality of my prayers every time I read this entry.  I know there have been times when my prayers have become wrote, "Thank you for the food and please bless it that it will nourish and strengthen our bodies, we say these things...." and I find that there is very little variation and no thought going into the prayer.  In these cases, when I am saying my prayers, my mind has fainted.  Sometimes I forget if I have said a prayer at all.  There are other times in the morning or evening, when I am saying my prayers, there have been times that I have fainted as well and fallen asleep during the prayer.  I tell myself in the journal that I must make sure that I am not getting into that habit of the lazy thirty second prayer, but that I need to patiently wait, ponder, listen, and focus, and look through the day for the hand of God in my life especially the times He has come to my aid.  In like manner I must not faint during the day, but offer a silent prayer of gratitude when I receive divine aid.

Vultures on the Highway through Life

         At times I have felt run down and ready to drop as I walked down the highway through life.  There are desert regions when things seem dismal and discouraging.   In the desert the vultures eat the carcass of animals that have died, but they won't touch the meat, until it has stopped moving.  The vultures have hovered above my head on this metaphorical highway, but they won't strike until I faint.  Therefore I must pray always, for the strength that I won't faint, that I can remain strong throughout these desert times without the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I look forward to that day when I can be baptized and receive that gift of all gifts. What a fantastic day that will be.

Until next time,

The Rainbow-plated Armadillo

The Airport Parable

          This is an older study journal entry I have from November 5, 2009.  I wrote this shortly after coming home early from my mission, which I will talk about in a future post.  I was sent home and disfellowshipped.  Having recently been through an airport, I drew several spiritual connections and mapped them out in this parable of the airport.  I thought I should share it.


 The Airport
        In an airport we have a security gate and the gate where the departure is.  Everyone that enters the security checkpoint has a destination.  Some have flights that leave sooner than others, but all have a departure time.
         On the way to the gate one may see shops of various kinds, restaurants to sit down and dine, gift shops that have various fascinations, and many other things.

         Oftentimes we find a walkway that takes us forward at a faster rate than we would [by] fighting the crowd. This walkway goes straight down the middle, bypassing the shops that try to lure away travelers.  Oftentimes our flight does not permit us to have time to explore these tourist traps.
         As we race along the speedway, we progress with leaps and bounds.  Occasionally we may see a stop that perks our interest.  When we do, we ask ourselves, "What time does my plane leave?  Do I have time to check it out?"
         Usually it is best to leave it alone and continue to our destination.  I think it is safe to say that one of the worst things to do is to stop walking, grab the rail and hurl yourself over the edge in a desperate attempt to explore the unknown.  Oftentimes, getting off of a moving object in such a way will cause one to sustain grave bodily harm and debilitating injury.
         In order to make it past the security gate, there is a set of standards that must be followed.  We must get rid of knives, guns, liquid in containers of more than 4 oz., and go through a detailed examination to ensure that there was sufficient preparation.

          Baptism is like the security checkpoint.  Once we are in, we head for our flight to Eternal Life.  Commandments are placed for us to progress faster and protect us from the spiritual traps that wait to rob us of our inheritance and only leave us carrying a greater burden that we will eventually throw away.
         At times we may spot a shop, a trap, whose slogans or appearance seems to draw us in.  The absolute worst thing we can do is depart from the safety of the commandments, hurl ourselves over those spiritual bounds the Lord has set, and break [our] leg in an attempt to satisfy a curiosity.  Doing such an act leaves us helpless, no longer able to walk or run.  We call out for help.  First responders can come and splint the leg, the priesthood leaders can give us spiritual crutches, and put a cast on our leg, but it usually takes time to heal.
        Such an event surly will harm us in our journey back home.  We cannot just hop back on [to the walkway], but must move on to the next opening.  It takes time and is painful.  The leg will surely heal, and with great effort we can get back on course, but much better it is that we just avoid, avoid, avoid!

      I was thinking about this and how I have hurled myself over the edge.  My splint is excommunication.  It is painful, and it definitely takes time to heal, but luckily my flight hasn't departed and I can keep working my way back to my walkway.  This walkway is defined not with a plastic rail, but an iron rail.  When I threw myself over the edge, I think it is safe to say that I broke both of my metaphorical legs.  It is incredibly painful and terribly difficult, however when a bone breaks, it grows back stronger, so as long as I keep working towards my goal, I will continue to strengthen.  I have always wondered why every person I have met who went through excommunication was always so darn spiritual.  I suppose it is because they were broken, and when they were healed, they grew back even stronger.  That is what is happening to me.  I may still slip from time to time, and my time may be reset, but I do not lose the knowledge that I have gained.  That sobriety remains with me.

       I do not know when my flight leaves.  My section could be called for boarding in a car crash tomorrow for all I know.  With this knowledge, there is no time for messing around.  I need to get right back up from every fall, grab my crutches, namely daily meaningful prayer and daily scripture study, and work my way back to the kiosk, where I can get my boarding pass, or clearance for baptism, go through the security gate and head on to Eternal Airlines where I will be able to have an Eternal family.

So, I just wanted to share that with you all.  I hope some of you will be able to get as much out of it as I do.

Until next time,

The Rainbow-plated Armadillo